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Friday, January 29, 1999 A recent attack on a commercial airline was not brought on by terrorists, as the media would have you believe. It was, in fact, the work of vile aliens. | |
 Belhoffer warns of alien threat |
Witness Victor Belhoffer tells his story: "It was like a devastating blast of air straight from the mouth of Hell! It fouled the very air I breathed as the explosion pierced the fragile shell of the aerospace vehicle." Dr.X can confirm his statement. "I saw it as well. It was worse than an atomic nuclear apocalypse. I also believe it to be the malevolent work of the vicioius Cat-Aliens." Why the Cat-Aliens? Dr.X reveals that he found tape cassettes with high-C tone purring on it. This is the ultimate decisive factor. What can you do about the aliens? You can kill them! And if you don't, Dr.X will be mad at you. Follow these simple directions to save humanity. First you must make an alien cat killing recipe. Add a cup of flour to a piece of sour dough bread. Then blend to a crisp texture. Add one pint pineapples to one cup of Super corrosive DRX© Hydrochloric Acid. The secret ingredient is the pineapples. Hurry! The aliens are on the loose and they are hungry.
-- contributed by staff writer Rene |
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