Thursday, January 28, 1999

The Cat-Aliens are upon us, and just to make matters worse, there is a traitor amongst the people of Earth.

Dr.X first figured this out when he saw von Theralley talking to a shady character with a hat and a scarf. Dr.X says it was a cat-alien.

"We must do something about this 'Benedict Arnold'", Dr.X said last night. "If not, he will inform the cat-aliens of all our secrets and we will all perish." The beneficent Dr.X will organize a strike force to attack von Theralley's house. To join, call the doctor at 1-800-DRX-0002, and ask for Montgomery.

"If he isn't stopped, the cat-aliens will destroy us and the Earth. He may even be a cat-alien himself. No one really knows for sure. He has no family, no friends, no employees, nothing! No one to give us any information on his whereabouts or origins. If you have some information, you must contact the doctor. DO NOT KEEP THIS INFORMATION TO YOURSELF. The fate of the Earth and the entire human race may depend on it. If you have any information, you must call 1-800-DRX-0002 immediately! Any delay could cost us our existence as we know it!"

"Von Theralley mustn't get away with this heinous crime. He must pay. And if he gets caught, he will get paid dearly," threatens police chief Lon O'Brien. "If he is caught, he will be thrown into a deep, smelly, grotesque dungeon and chained to the wall." Dr.X adds "This crime cannot go unpunished."

Von Theralley has not been seen since Dr.X first accused him of being an evil. Dr.X says he is in hiding because he is a scaredy cat-alien and is a bigger chicken than Colonel Sanders."

Dr.X thinks he is hiding in Independence Hall or in the Liberty Bell. His strikeforce will check this out. If you wish to donate supplies or money to this charitable cause, send it to Dr.X as soon as humanly possible. Dr.X will reward you with a picture of himself. Don't miss out. Send money now!!

-- contributed by correspondent Hiroshita