Dear Dr.X,
I'm trapped in a buring building, with no water and no way out. What can I do?

Help!

Dear Help!
Since you are probably already dead, I don't think I'll bother answering this one.

Why?

Dear Dr.X,
My cheating no good husband ran off with some two-bit floozy the other day. Even after I made him his favorite meal -- liver and beets, he still went to that homewrecker. So I bought this new shotgun, you know, teach him a lesson. When he comes back, I'm gonna hit him on the head with it. Any pointers for a disgruntled wife?

Better Half

Dear Better Half,
The reason your husband left you is cause you are a dirty, filthy slob and you beat him and insult him every chance you get. I hope he leaves you for good, you disgusting sloth.

Pet Peeves

Dear Dr.X,
I just bought a really expensive Oriental rug this week. It is my husband's pride and joy. The problem is my little pet Schnauzer became sick and vomited on the expensive rug. What can I do to make sure the dog doesn't do this again?

Doggone

Dear Doggone,
Shoot the dog

Blossoming Talent

Dear Dr.X,
I recently became aware of the fact that I have psychic powers. I think I am right up there with Nostradamus and Lukas Ishmael. I've had dreams which predicted things, and I've read peoples' minds. I visited the local fortune teller and she confirmed this to be a fact! My question to you, o esteemed one, is what can I do to further develop my vast power?

Boy Wonder

Dear Boy Wonder
If you were really a psychic you wouldn't be asking me these stupid question.