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St. Petersburg, Russia -- At 7:00 pm EST, Santa Clause was seen sneaking into the Comrade Chemical Facilities and walking out with what seemed to be 50 barrels of rocket fuel. Nine henchmen, presumed to be his reindeer, were also spotted helping Claus. They were not caught. Why would Santa and his reindeer need rocket fuel? The omniscient Dr. X believes that this fuel, a uranium-plutonium compound, is being used to power his sleigh when he goes around the world to loot people's homes. "There could be only one other reason why he would take it" continued the ever-so-delightful Dr. X, "and that would be for the sheer pleasure of it. Santa Claus is a kleptomaniac!"
Geneva, Switzerland -- Last Friday, Santa was seen smuggling illegal Nestle Chocolates into Switzerland. Swiss chocolate is a big part of the Swiss economy. When Santa smuggled in the chocolates, along with the American-made watches smuggled in by Santa's henchman, Tony, caused the fragile Swiss economy to collapse, destroying the nation. The plot was believed to be in retaliation for the Swiss government's banning of Santa's sleigh from their airspace. When asked about this, Santa coldly replied "Ho ho ho! That's what they get for messing with me!" Unfortunately, no evidence exists linking Santa to the crime. Dr. X is determined to find a clue that will expose Santa for the evil slug he really is.
Antarctica -- Santa, Red Rudy, and Tony led 400 Elfen slaves into the South Pole Workshop located at the South Pole. Due to all the publicity, Santa's North Pole Shop was swarmed by reporters and investigators, causing Santa to move his operation elsewhere. The workshop is guarded by 254 Snowmanian Guards. Anyone approaching the premises should be aware that these guards are not to be laughed at. Although they appear to be harmless snowmen, each one is a master of karate, jujitsu, kung-fu, kendo, Greco-Roman wrestling, boxing, small and heavy arms, explosives, and demolition. They are armed with two semi-automatic .567mm armor-piercing CS26x sub-machine guns. They fire at anything that moves, so leave your dogs behind. They are ruthless and without concern for humanity. Be careful!
Giza, Egypt -- Santa, Tony, Melf, and Ruthless Red Rudy were seen dismantling the Great Pyramids, thought to be using the bricks for their new workshop. Many guards and the Egyptian god Anubis tried to stop them, but to no avail. They were locked up inside the pyramid's tomb.
-- compiled by staff writer Hiroshita
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