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Monday, December 7, 1998 New evidence points to the shocking truth -- Santa Claus has mob ties! | |
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An informant came forward with shocking allegations that Santa Claus has had numerous dealings with several mafia kingpins. The informant has issued claims that Claus has ordered many executions, as well as taken part in many money laundering schemes. In particular, Vito "the Duke" Monetti was cited as Claus' chief contact within the numerous crime families. Monetti has been indicted for racketeering and conspiracy to commit murder. Claus is suspected of being involved in both crimes. However, no evidence directly linking him to the deeds exists. Another peculiar circumstance, is any person coming forward with supposed evidence mysteriously disappears. It is believed that Claus had these people "silenced" by his goons. At a press conference, Claus denied all allegations. "Geez, people, give me a break. These charges are ridiculous!" Santa pleaded. "I don't know any mob people. It's totally false." Dr.X believes that Claus is lying. "Why wouldn't he lie? He hasn't been honest in the past and he isn't honest now. But he won't get away with it this time! I will personally take him down if I have to. I'd like to see him try his shenanigans on me!" Claus laughed at Dr.X's comments, but Dr.X insists that he will get the last laugh.
-- contributed by the illustrious Dr.X |
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