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friday, December 4, 1998 Shocking revelations were made yesterday, as Santa Claus was seen checking into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. | |
 Santa enjoying a brew |
At a tearful press conference yesterday, Santa Claus announced that he did, in fact, have a drinking problem. "There were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night, just to get a sip of the forbidden nectar," Claus admitted. "Sometimes I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself." Claus then broke down into tears. Asked if there were any relations between his drinking problems and charges that have been brought up against him, Santa replied "If anything, the whole situation has intensified the problem, but..." Santa continued, "it has forced me to take a good, hard look at myself." Dr.X believes that Santa's heartfelt admission of the problem is just a ploy to gather sympathy as the Fat One prepares to go to trial. "It's a great move, from a public relations standpoint," he says, "but I don't buy it." Dr.X points out that the timing of the admission is almost too convenient. Santa Claus will begin a twelve-step program this afternoon at the Julia Hoffman clinic. For ticket information, please contact Dr.X.
-- contributed by the illustrious Dr.X |
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