Getting nervous about the new millenium coming up? You should be! Best-selling author Harvey "Duck" L'Orange tells of several horrifying events in his new book Coping with the End of the World.

"Start preparing for The End"
L'Orange

"One thing you can expect, is the diminishing quality of television programs" L'Orange continues. "As the year 2000 approaches, you just won't see high quality TV shows, and even movies like in the past. This is a sure sign that the Devil is trying to bend our wills to his by drilling pointless programming into our minds."

What about the Y2K bug? "Well people are all worried about planes crashing and bank accounts being wiped out" says L'Orange, "But these aren't the things we should really be concerned about. For example, did you know that the Atari 2600 game system is not Y2K compliant? This could cause a massive uproar."

"Clearly we have to be concerned about the trivial things like riots, plagues, war, and floods" cautions L'Orange, "but you also have to think about the major disasters. For example, according to most psychics, sports salaries will go up next year! This is truly horrifying. Think of the ticket price increases."

"Just recently we saw Michael Jordan retire, Clinton brought up on charges, and my neighbor threatened me because I slashed his tires....coincidence? Not likely" says L'Orange. L'Orange's book details several warning signs of the Apocolypse, and, my friends, it does not look good for humankind.

-- contributed by senior staff writer Stan Patchley